Memoirs Chapter – 15

This isn’t the real talent

This is just exaggerated lament

But that’s what it does

Making you dependent

Think you can hold it

For much longer

I think that it’s fading away

But it’s already shading away

What about the calmness

That I brought you

Was it all for nothing

Did I ever rob you

Then why do you wish

To discard your whims

I might be the solution

To your ever increasing problems

You’ve got to run, gotta fight

You can do it, if you try

But you are always out of breath

When you’re rushing for a length

You say creativity

Is just another anomaly

Now you can see the mirage clearing

And still everything is so shining

I guess sometimes

You need a little push

To help you decide

There is no rush

There are people

Who care about you

Worry about you

Show them what you’re made of

You can feel yourself burning

And this anger growing

So you punch a mirror

To let one remain

But it’s still there

So you punch another

And then another

I don’t feel

Your need anymore

Now that I know

Exactly how you breed

But how will you justify

Who is the one that writes

Till the time

It is I who writes

You are a perception

My very own creation

So who do you think

Is the one who writes

You took me for a stooge

And I will never lose

To a tool for depressant

Which is just too pleasant

I trusted you with my thoughts

Then you began to sought

Your very existence

With no resistance

Maybe that’s what addiction is

Rising when, the persistence dims

And by that thought

The mirrors start to break

Cracks began to disappear

And it is I, who finally appears…

Memoirs Chapter – 14

Now that you’re dependent

You try to force

For I am not there

To make the way

You miss the shouts

As no one is loud

Now you look for new ways

To fill that void

You still have a craving

At the back of this mirror

But you can still hear the rant

“Why would you want

To throw it all away

For one little sway”

You can breathe a little proper

Isn’t that, an appropriate counter

Your life’s work is disintegrating

In front of your eyes

So you pour yourself a drink

Cause nothing says good morning

Like a shot of Vodka

Your childhood memories

Are as fresh as they can be

So you have another drink

To see how deep you can sink

But it’s of no use

Even when you’ve exhausted, all the booze

You’re still unable to create

The way it felt

Your this one decision

Will change your life

Do you have the guts

To withdraw from lust

Or are you still adamant

To fall back on resistance

You used the intoxication

To create your own mutation

But all it did was hinder

Like every other thunder

Destruction of everything, you hold dear

Till the time you’re under

I can still hear it’s voice

Inside my system

How do I get rid of it

Now that he’s taking over…

Memoirs Chapter- 13

My eyes are hurting

My body is trembling

Is it from everything that you’ve shown

That I’m feeling so “grown”

But now that you’ve written about it

You can carry on without it

I’ll be with you when you cry

I’ll be with you when you sigh

Let’s create a plan first

With a new path to endure

It may be some trouble

And you may stumble

But still move on

So we can live on

I’ll be with you

There is no one stopping you

You can throw out this joint

So that we, can concentrate

I was always there

All you had to do was ask

Now that we have a task

You can start with a mirror

A place for me to reside

A place where you can ride

Anytime that you want

Trust me with your thoughts

Memoirs Chapter – 12

You can see a little clearly

But still everything’s so blurry

You’re getting brighter and gloomier

Both at the same time

Maybe you can do something

And you will, do anything

To bring back that feeling

That can help you in thinking

But isn’t that voice

My own creation

Maybe if I try harder

I can make him appear

Cause if it’s another one of my perceptions

It will be quite rational

So you end up creating

Mixture of both entities

But you can see it, taking it’s toll

With the marks, appearing on your soul

And you’re already tired

And feel like quitting

Still the colours shine

Like no other kind

You’re trying harder

To think of words

What happened to painters

Is such a pain

So you go back to painting

Till you hear it’s voice

And realize

I put more efforts

To make sentences to rhyme

And colours are the tools

That can make me fine

Slowly and slowly

He’s coming back

All the voices

Can be recreated

All the thoughts

Can be reprocessed

You’re waiting and waiting

But still he’s reviving

So to speed up the process

You look for a lighter

To take a puff

From that holy stuff

And with that first drag

He is back…

Memoirs Chapter – 11

You’re getting weird dreams

Unable to sleep

These thoughts keep on pounding

On your head that is hurting

Is this what is called withdrawal

Or another symptom of methadone

Your mind has diverted

From everything you deserted

Then how will you end

This thing you started

You have hit a roadblock

Looking to unblock

Gotta find compassion

For something that’s your passion

But it seems so empty

Without disappearing in it’s sanctity

Tried the easy way out

And now, you ended up in shrouds

And as the time passes

You keep getting rude

What was the feeling

That made you start

So you go back to painting

To try and make a mark

Still missing every breath

Of that beloved stench

You can feel the colours

Growing on to you

Maybe if I did

The same with life

I can separate the minimalistic

From monochromatic

And so you try

Doing the same

Focusing on singularity

From every duplicity…

Memoirs Chapter – 10

You can feel him drawing

Out of your system

But one is still crawling

Inside your cathedral

It increases it’s dominance

With every breath you take

And that’s what scares me

What will become of me

Will I be the one who remains

Or will he be the one who proclaims

Your nightmare is back

Along with the cracks

You had it suppressed

From smoke of the damned

You can still hear the cry

Of the child whose nine

Why can’t you remember

What happened that day

Is this my subconscience

Speaking to me today

You can’t sleep

In this scorching heat

So look for words

In your travelogues

Every time you do it

You end up with anarchy

Till the time you realize

That they were always right

Who will you blame

Now that you’re, full of shame

Every time you did it

You ended up with boils

But your body is weak

Now that you’re without it

How will I get back

To the inception

Just so I could take back

Everything that made me blind

Now that I’m without you

I wish I could cry

Maybe I can try

But what use would it be

So you end up

In front of the mirror again

Feeling you deserve it

As if you have earned it…

Memoirs Chapter – 9

You’re standing on the edge

With him tightening the noose

Second by second

You’re going berserk

Unable to decide

To do what’s right

Is this what it’s like

To be on a test

Maybe if I rest

It’ll all be over

Hoping for a fresh start

Or you’ll end up the last

The next morning arrives

But the feeling still thrives

Unable to look

At yourself in the mirror

Unable to decide

If it is even you

So you end up with a blade

In your trembling hands

You make your first cut

Oh, that first incision

Right in the middle

Where your heart resides

Bringing you the feeling

Of life again

So you do it again

And again and again

It’s like a pattern

Is being developed by this painter

The blood is dripping

Right to your feet

But that will wash away

By a hint of water

These scars will remain

As a source to ascertain

The reality

From obscurity

You have to keep it hidden

From the world, full of heathens

Slowly and slowly

You’ll be back to clarity

And at that time, I’ll be their for your certainty…